Letting You Go | Where Are You Now?
by Fidelius
Summary: [Post Book Four!] Sometimes letting someone you love go is harder than losing them......


**Author's Note:** Is this sooooo pathetic? You decide! When I first heard this song, I thought it was perfect for Cho [sniffle]. I love this song. It's very haunting. I hope you enjoy this, though it is a bit depressing. It's my first romance fic! So, if you have a Britney Spears CD [her *new* one], pop it in the CD player and turn it to #9.   
Also: Could someone tell me what OOC means? I have no idea, though I know it means something about characters and their personality. I'm really lost on this, so I'd be happy it if someone could drop me an owl/e-mail or in your review.   
This is actually a monologue/song fic. It's in Cho Chang's POV. I know about a thousand people have done this before. I just wanted to, so forgive me if you are sick of Cho/Cedric fics. Please review! 

_Calling out your name   
your face is everywhere  
I'm reaching out to you to find out you're not there  
I wake up every night   
to see the state I'm in   
It's like an endless fight I never seem to win  
I can't go on as long as I believe   
I can't let go when I keep wondering.  
_  
Sometimes I forget that he's gone. I'll wake up wondering if he'll send me an owl today, or mention something about him to one of my friends, and then I'll remember. It always feels like I've got hit by a bulgder, or someone hit me in the stomach. An empty feeling. I realize that I'll never see him again, and that's what gets me. Death is so final.   
When I first heard that he was gone, I didn't believe it. I didn't believe it even after a few days, I suppose I was expecting him to come through the door. I was numb when I first heard, I didn't cry. I don't know why it took me so long to finally believe it, realize it, because I'm not stupid. I think for that moment, my heart ruled instead of my mind.  
I remember when I first accepted that Cedric was dead, it was not long after the third task. And I'll never forget who helped me. Hermione Granger. It was late in the afternoon, right after a Charms class that I didn't go to. I was walking in the halls when I saw her. She rushed up to me and said that I needed to know the truth.   
"The truth?" I asked, dully.  
"Yes," she said, brushing back her bushy hair. "The truth about Cedric's death."  
I just looked at her, and she looked at me anxiously, I suppose she was waiting for some sort of response, and when she didn't get one she just went on.  
"Harry Potter didn't kill him."  
"I didn't think he did," I told her.  
"He didn't die because of the Triwizard Tournament, either."   
I simply looked at her. "What are you trying to tell me?"  
She took a deep breath, "He was killed by you-know-who."  


_ Where are you now?   
What have you found   
Where is your heart, since you're not around?  
Where are you now  
You got to let me know  
oh baby  
So I can let you go.  
_

I remember the moments we had. I loved him; I really did. I don't think I was sure before he died, but now I'm positive. We understood each other, he understood me better than anyone ever had before.   
He believed in me and I believed in him. I didn't care if he won the Triwizard Tournament, I didn't care if he wasn't the only Hogwarts champion. I knew he'd put his heart into it.  
I knew he loved me. I loved to hear him say it. It was so sweet. By the way his eyes shone when he said it, I knew it was true.   
He showed me he loved me more in so many ways. He'd send me owls carrying flowers, talk to me in the halls, give me compliments. I hope I showed him I loved him.   
I never guessed our love would be cut short. I never guessed that when I kissed him good luck right before the third task it would be the last. I never guessed that there wouldn't be any future for us.  
I think I should write to Harry. Hermione told me the whole story, about how Harry talked Cedric into taking the Triwizard Cup with him. I know he probably feels guilty, and I should tell him he's not. I should write to Cedirc's parents, and tell them that I loved their son as much as they did. I should. But before I can console others, I need to let go. I need to accept Cedric's dead.  
__

I can hear your voice   
the ring of yesterday  
it seems so close  
but yet so far away.  
I should let it out  
to save what's left of me  
and close the doors of time  
provide my heart.  


I hear whispers break out in the Great Hall as I pass their tables. Professors come up to me and say that they are there if I need to talk to them. Students I don't even know are telling me they're sorry. Mum and Dad came up to the school, saying I could come home early if I wanted. Professor Dumbledore said the same.   
I spent my last days of school, my last days of Hogwarts, reliving old memories. It was as if I had no control over my mind. Every moment I ever spent with Cedric, I remember. I never got to say good-bye. Never. I am now "the poor girl who's boyfriend was killed". I didn't want my role. I wish Cedric was alive, of course, but there is an old muggle saying, I used to hear my grandmother say. "It's better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all." I always thought it was untrue, until now.   
I am glad I loved Cedric. I think a little part of me will love him forever. I think that Cedric would want me to love others after his death. So if I ever meet anyone, I'm not sure if I will hold myself back because of Cedric. I know I'll wait a while, though. With the wound so fresh, and the hollow feeling that feels me, I have no choice.  
I'm at the stage where for moments I'll forget that he's gone, then remember. I wonder if there is such thing as total recovery. I wonder. For some strange reason, I don't hate Voldemort. I should. He killed my love. I don't feel the need for revenge, which I suppose is a good thing, because if I went after revenge I would get killed, too.   
Cedric changed me. A little part of him will remain in me. Forever.  


_ I can't go on as long as I believe   
I can't let go when I keep wondering.  
Where are you now?  
What have you found?  
Where is your heart, since you're not around?  
Where are you now  
You got to let me know  
oh baby  
So I can let you go.  
_

I wonder if he's looking down on me, where he is, if he still loves me. I wish he could send me a sign, a sign that he remembers and always will. A sign that he loves me, and wants me to love again. A sign that proves that he's somewhere, and he's watching over me. A sign that shows he loves me. If I could have that, I could let him go.  


_ I should let it out  
it's time to let you go  
oh baby  
I just want to know  
I can't go on as long as I believe   
I can't let go when I keep wondering.  
Where are you now?  
What have you found?  
Where is your heart, since you're not around?  
Where are you now  
You got to let me know  
oh baby  
So I can let you go.  
_

**Disclaimer:** Yawn. Everything belongs to JK Rowling. Who I am *somewhat* mad at. I think she should have had Cedric [when he came out of Voldemort's wand] ask Harry to tell Cho he loved her. That would have been sooooo romantic. Sigh. Oh, and the song Where are You Now is property of Britney Spears. 


End file.
